Miss Martin: "Mr. Gress, I'm calling you because there was a problem with Thomas today."
Scott: "What happened?"
Miss Martin: "He and another boy were going potty and the other boy touched Thomas on his bottom."
<there was a pause here because I was expecting her to say something like "Then Thomas slipped and cracked his head open", or something that I might actually care about. But she said nothing so gradually it dawned on me that maybe this was all about one 5yr old poking his buddy in the ass">
Scott: "So that's all that happened, some kid touched Thomas in the butt?"
Miss Martin: "Yes. We think that it is important to bring all inappropriate touching to the attention of parents."
Scott: "Ok, but this wasn't exactly the neighborhood pedophile, right? This was just another 5yr old kid?'
Miss Martin: "Yes, another kindergartner."
Scott: "Well, give me a call when it's a blow job, but up until then I don't need to know."
<it was suddenly hard to hear Miss Martin. I think her reaction was to gasp in surprise. But all I could really hear was my subordinates howling with laughter and rolling around the floor.>
Pic. That's Thomas on the left on his first day of Kindergarten. Peter, a couple minutes younger, is on the right.
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