Beemer2 crashes into the General
Early 1994. After the demise of the much loved but tragically totaled Saab Rocket, I looked around for a less expensive solution to high speed touring. I was looking for "budget cool." The solution that presented itself was an '84 BMW 323. It was agile and quick--Great fun to drive.
It
didn't take me long to get into trouble with the BMW. I had gotten used to winter driving in
the very capable front wheel drive Saab Rocket. However, I had not yet come to
understand that rear wheel drive cars are trickier in the snow, nor that snow
tires really are a hellova lot more effective than wide and
cool-looking Z-rated autobahn tires.
Although "limited slip" differentials, the
advantage being two honest drive wheels instead of just one, were
apparently available as an option, my BMW didn't have one. Without a limited
slip differential, your "drive wheel" is the one with the least traction. Great
for screwing around in the snow, not so great for getting out of a ditch.
One day I
was on base driving home through some fresh snow after a day of "being all I
could be," and I
started screwing around.
I found that with a stab of the throttle I could put
the car sideways on
demand. It was really cool. I'd give the throttle a stab, the car's rear
end would rotate out, and I'd drift sideways until the car came to a stop.
Totally fun.
It was about a 10 mile drive, though rolling hills, to get off the base, and there wasn't a car as far as the eye
could see.
At each incline, I'd get the car sideways, slide to a halt and recover, get some
speed up and get sideways again, slide to a halt and recover, until I ran out of
incline. I didn't do it on the downslopes for fear of ending up in a ditch.
I got a little more aggressive, or more stupid, depending on how old you are, each time.
Then on one particular incline I goosed it and went into one more sideways slide. I was getting the hang of it so I had a bit more speed this time. It was a great slide, so it was really fun. I slid right up to the top of the hill. Then I crested the hill and I was still sliding. Hmmm. So now I was sliding downhill. In fact, because of the down-slope it was not at all clear when I was going to stop. And I was entirely sideways.
I wasn't moving very fast, but then I wasn't slowing down any either. Sideways.
Then I saw the other car. It was a plain
looking sedan, maybe 50 meters away and it had 2 people in it. "Surely," I
thought, they'll recognize what is happening and they'll back away."
Entirely sideways, I watched them out of my driver's window as I slowly slid
towards them. I kept waiting for them to back away. I was turned into the slide
as much as I could. Playing around with the brakes didn't stop the slow drift,
didn't rotate the car, and didn't move the car from the collision path. As I got closer and closer I could see that it was an older couple, and
the woman was driving. Her eyes were wide as saucers. The passenger looked like
he might be Army. His face was full of irritation.
Closer and closer I got. In slow-motion, I slid down the 2-lane road with deep ditches on
both sides. Totally sideways. "Come on lady, back up, for christ's sakes,"
I pleaded.
I could see her knuckles, clenching white on on the steering wheel. "Shit, I was hosed," I thought dispairingly.
CRUNCH. I came to a halt with my left front fender pressed into her bumper and grill.
The passenger got out and put his hat on. As soon as he got out of the car, I recognized him. "Oh holy shit. It's the Commanding General."
I jumped out and assumed a properly subordinate pose. "Oh my god," I thought to myself, "its so much worse that his wife was in the car."
"Ah, I'm really sorry sir."
I'd had some interaction with the CG (Commanding General) over the last couple
years. He was a good guy, but I'd really fucked up here. His wife was probably
thinking that she'd almost been killed and any husband would take that hard.
"LT Gress, you are an idiot."
"Ah, yessir."
He was right, of course.